Give Unto Me Your Troubles...

I'll Endure your Suffering
Place Unto Me Your Burden....
I'll Drink Your Deadly Poison

If I could, I think I would take all the pain and troubles and horrible events from those that I love the most and gladly bear their weight upon my shoulders to try to spare them from some of the anguish, when they've already had so much in their short lives. I wish I could just kiss their foreheads and make them immune to some of the tough times that will undoubtedly present themselves in the future, so that they might have some decent periods of time during which to experience only happiness, or at least a temperate state of living.
The most I can do though, is offer them open arms and attentive ears and genuine interest and care, loyalty, and love in hopes that it can be of help in any way. And I try to, if possible, warn them of dangers they might be getting into. Thus, I'm known as a bit of a Mother Hen to those close to me. I try to watch their backs against Fate and slip ups in Conscience's watch. Sure it's up to them if they listen or not, but at least the thought of what could happen has crossed their mind and might help in the end.
On the other hand, it makes me sound like I'm nosey and controlling or overbearing....negative traits. If I ever do though, I really didn't intend it to be so, and it's only out of love. Michael said to me "the worst things come with the best intentions," and he has a point.
I still don't have internet at home....and it's driving me to seek out random outlets for my energy and attention in the middle of the night. I've started reading books more often. I started to try to weave my own custom shoelaces for my new and first pair of Chucks. Yes, thats right. I said weave. I don't think it's going to work out though so I had to give up on it.....I'll see what else I can make out of it. I took an old pair of jeans that I'll never wear again but that still fit at the waist and cut off the legs...and I'm making a jean skirt out of it. It might actually turn out sorta cool. I have to figure out what sort of decorations I want to place on it though...I could do beads, paint, sequins, rips and tears, patches, etc. Lots of possibilities. I watch Nova and educational shows like that when they're on one of the PBS channels in the middle of the night...I write in the journal...I listen to music...sometimes tidy up my room...on rare occassion draw and the likes. On even rarer occassion, I'll get to talk to Michael for hours on end. I love it when we do that...
There's only a month and a few days until Michael comes down for his summer vacation for the length of about 2 weeks and for the most part I'm surprisingly worry free, except for random mini-anxiety attacks I get on occassion late at night when I'm thinking about things. They're few and far between, and short-lived too, but they make me doubt everything and want to turn around and tell him not to come in those moments. Good thing I quickly quell these irrational squalls and replace them with the stubborn sort of optimism I have of late and boost up my confidence and put a carefree "just jump" stamp upon the issue. I gotta be more like that about more things...need to be a bit more spontaneous about life instead of always trying to be careful.
I miss writing blogs here....It's nice to be able to ramble like this. I've surprisingly gotten quite attached to this thing despite all the previous attempts at blogging I had made. It probably helps motivate me to know that people may actually be reading this. It adds a bit of purpose that wasn't always there before. Now don't get me wrong, in the end I still write for myself essentially. Yea, I should stop writing about writing. Not terribly interesting.

And I need food now so I'll depart for now.


Listening To:
The Academy Is... - The Author
Mae - The Sun and the Moon
AFI - Prelude 12/21

Reading: Kissing In Manhattan
Watching: The Da Vinci Code ( C if you've read the book first), Art School Confidential (A+)
Feeling: Neutral, At Peace, Freezing my ass off