5 a.m. on the bathroom floor from the night before

I really need to work on my sleeping habits…they’re no good and make everyone worry.

I was reminded recently of something that seems to never cease to amaze me. It always seems to fascinate me when people, who for the most part act and/or are responsible and mature, for a moment revert back to a child-like vulnerability that can be witnessed. It always makes me smile when I witness one of these rare instances, because it’s a peek into the side that’s hard to know is still there most of the time. It’s almost like accidentally discovering a secret that’s too precious to share or mention to anyone, because the magic of it would be lost. Unfortunately, for that very reason I can’t bring myself to give specific examples of what I’m talking about.
…That was almost pointless to even mention, wasn’t it?

Though there are many critics out there, and upon first hearing it I was a little skeptical and took a little while to become completely comfortable with it myself, I am in love with Decemberunderground, AFI’s brand new CD. It’s a very different sound, but I embrace the change with open arms, because if you listen close, you can still feel AFI’s essence in it entirely. The lyrics are different too, but they still have that touch of beautiful sorrow and bittersweetness that Davey puts into words so well. There are a couple of songs that I like, but am still on the fence about…I like them more at certain times than others. These songs are Kill Caustic and Affliction for the most part. The ones that take turns getting stuck in my head are Summer Shudder, The Interview, and especially Love Like Winter and The Killing Light. Endlessly, She Said is a favorite too. But overall, I love each song…and each song has a certain little detail or moment that I especially love. Just like Sing The Sorrow, each song has the capability of making you burst out in a dance and wide grin, into tears and heart-wrenching, or into angry, angsty bellows and screams, all simultaneously. It just depends what catches you off guard first. I can’t wait till I have money to buy the real CD and add it to my collection. I’ve been listening to these songs for over three days straight now I’m pretty sure…and they just get better each day, because each day there’s the chance of understanding the song or a verse in a whole new way than before. For those of you who can’t welcome change and savor this album, I’m sorry. Maybe you’ll eventually come around and see what you’ve been missing, and I hope that you do. All right, enough rambling about AFI now.

Only what, like 22 days left until June 29th? I’m starting to get a little nervous every once in awhile. I hope everything goes well and as planned. Technically a lot of things could go wrong…half of them aren’t that likely and can’t be controlled by mortals anyway, like say the weather, so nothing to do about it and no use dwelling on them. On the other hand, my mother or father could potentially screw something up. And if all goes well and the vacation starts without a hitch, there’s still the chance of me doing something stupid or being awkward and boring, which wouldn’t be very fun of me. Bleh, I almost don’t know what I’m doing, but I know that it’s one of those now or never type of deals in my head. If all goes well though, it could be the most excitement and fun I’ve had in 16 days to date. The fact that I don’t have a “perfect” (or probably anywhere close to, for that matter) beach body dampers the whole being at the beach for two weeks wallowing in the water and sun in a bathing suit and getting a tan for me a bit though. Yay for bouts of poor body image! Don’t get me wrong though, it’s not like I want to be an anorexic size 2 or anything. I just see several spots for potential improvement. I should stop talking about this before I make myself even more self-conscious….

Under the summer rain, I burnt away….
I wish it would rain. I miss the rain. I miss the cool electric feeling of it against my bare skin. The freedom that dancing and twirling in it gives. The satisfaction of splashing into a puddle. The soothing beating of raindrops upon a windowpane. I thirst for tears from the sky, as does the parched Earth.
Under the summer rain, you turned away…