Maybe I'm Crazy....

They all said I was crazy, and they were right. I was.

But, I knew it had to be done. My whole life I had done nothing. Nothing because I couldn't. Because I had been trained to be afraid (by my mother). Because I was lazy and comfortable. Finally for the first time in my life I was doing something. I was taking risks and leaps of faith. This was one of those jump first, ask questions later or you'll never do it moments, so even if it could be one of the biggest mistakes of my life, it had to be done. It just felt right.



Things were slowly coming together a little more. Michael was working a temporary job at a Sitel as a "paid volunteer" to make phone calls reminding people to vote in November. He was going to work double shifts every day for the next two and a half weeks and would make at least about $1000 for us. On top of that, he was going to request his transitional loan of $950 dollars now and send it to me as soon as possible so that I might put down a deposit and apply at whichever apartment I deemed most suitable. I still had two or three other complexes to check out, which I would hopefully get around to within the week. I was going to mail Michael cereal boxes with packs of cigarettes discreetly hidden inside so that he might sell them. A single Newport 100's cigarette went for $1.00 up there, and with 200 cigarettes in a carton, well, that was $200 right there to go toward the "fix the oil leak fund" for my car, which was at the moment noticably empty.

On a low note though, it seems my plans to return to school in the coming Spring semester were being thwarted. My father was not being cooperative and refused to fill out the financial aid verification sheets I required to have my financial aid processed. Besides that large hurdle, it seemed that it was very likely that I would not have enough financial aid to cover all my expenses, and I couldn't afford to pay for anything for school, moving out or not. It seemed then, the next course of action was to work full time at a more respectable, better paying job that paid at least $10/hr until the next Fall or Spring semester, having had some money being saved up the whole time, and apply for readmittance at USF. If that was denied or it proved to be cheaper/a smaller step to work up to mentally and academically, I would enroll at HCC and start anew, transferring over to USF after things had been straightened out. It saddened me to not be going back this Spring as I had wanted, but it would give me the time to work out a portfolio and prepare and adjust and create a new and better environment for myself.

(to be cont.)